It seems that people in their twenties these days have nothing good to say about relationships or marriage. Sounds kinda odd, doesn’t it? I am often surrounded by groups of people trying to get a late-night sleaze in. We have apps for our phones that now allow individuals to determine their attraction to a potential date based only on the way they look- And what’s worse is that I see so many people completely consumed by these apps… for hookups and for humor, we seek the engagement from others that will ultimately let us down; and quickly too. I also find it odd that I’m always talking to both young men and women, and I consistently hear from both sides, “I just want to find a good girl,” or I just want to find a good guy.” Ladies and gentlemen, the answer should not be so difficult. They’re out there; you’re just looking in all the wrong places. Nonetheless, I am going to offer a guy’s perspective on what we see, and why we see it how we see it. (Keep in mind I am a Christian, and adding that minor detail plays a major role in dictating my content.)
1: Get his attention by-
Be you. Stop trying to be something you’re not. PLEASE don’t sleaze yourself out to get a guy. After all, is the guy you think you should be with also the guy taking you home the first night you meet? I doubt it. There’s something attractive about a woman that knows what she wants. The flip-side to the same coin is that there’s something equally and possibly more attractive about a woman that knows what she doesn’t want. All I can tell you is this: Wait! Guys take a few more years to mature, so hold on for a bit. We’re on our way. Please keep in mind that what you wear will be the first interpretation of the conversation that you can carry. If you’re not wearing enough, I’ve already thought of you enough. If your conversation contains too many yes’s, I’ll just go ahead and assume you’ll say yes to anything. Please note that your most attractive (or unattractive) feature is your personality. Be strong in your femininity! Be energetic and charismatic, but please, more than anything, don’t just be agreeable. This is where I think that either side of relationships fail. Yes, men need to feel like they are powerful, dependable, and have bravado… but we also need balance. We need a strong woman beside us. Strong both in faith, and strong in herself. These are the qualities of an attractive woman.
2: Keep him close by-
After you’ve been together for a while, you may find that you know him a little better. You’ll learn about some of his soft areas, we’ll call these his weaknesses. I want to impress upon you how important it is to be aware of these areas. Recognizing them can dictate the success of your relationship. Where a man feels inadequate can be a place where the feelings of inferiority manifest. Make sure that if you tell him you love him, you love all of him, even the parts that make him feel weak. When he screws up, be prepared to forgive, just as he should for you. Secondly, make sure you don’t emasculate him. I have a married friend… we’ll call him “Bob.” “Bob’s” wife doesn’t let him leave the house very much due to the advent of having a toddler. He’s typically around juuuuust long enough to get a phone call from his wife asking him where he’s at, and why he isn’t home. Bob replies a somber, “yes dear,” tucks his tail between his legs, and walks home time and time again, robbed of his masculinity. Again, women: if there is a man in your life that is controlling you this way, he’s not the right one. If you’re in a committed relationship, there should be no reason for him to keep you from valuable that time you need with your friends. Women need time with women, just as guys need time with guys.
3: Love him-
When I think about how I want to receive love, I think about how I give love. I’ve learned that when you’re with someone for an extended period of time, it may be good to learn your partner’s “love language.” For example, for the people I love, romantic, family, or friends, I write to them. I’ll write a letter expressing my gratitude for the value of the relationship that I have with them. In fact, I can’t continue without saying that when someone recently asked me what the wildest, best, most incredible gift that anyone had ever given me was… I though about it, and knew exactly. It was a letter. It was when someone spoke my love language to me! With that said, learn your partner’s love language. If you both happen to be fluent in the same one, great. However, if you both respond to different queue’s in romance, I’d advise you to begin translating. Find out what creates a moment that dilates their pupils and coaxes a smile that simply can’t be hidden.
Next: Let him be free to be masculine. Let him go and do stupid “boy” things. Women often complain after a few years of marriage that, “he isn’t the same,” or, “There’s just no romance anymore.” Remember, he needs the freedom to be masculine, and there will be times he should do that without you. Can’t imagine leaving him alone? Time to grow up people. If he can’t go be a man alone, he certainly won’t feel like a man at home. Guys don’t understand some of the things women enjoy, and likewise. Has anyone ever given thought to the idea that maybe understanding what the valuable time that each sex needs for his or herself might mean for the relationship? I’ll tell you this: It’s important.
It’s like kryptonite.
I think I’m writing this because I’ve reached my mid-twenties, and needless to say, I’m thinking about love. I’m a single Christian man, and I’m thinking about the woman that I will hopefully one day call my wife. I dream about someone that looks at me, and sees both my great successes, and my deepest flaws. I hope that she sees everything, and does nothing but smile. I dream about praying with her. I want to seek heaven with her. This is the intimacy that is missing in today’s relationships. We give our flesh in sexual acts, and of course, that’s intimate…but why are there so many couples that keep prayer exclusively personal? The most intimate act between couples, married or not, is prayer. I want us to speak to our Father together. I do not long to look across at someone else to fulfill my desires and dreams, no… I want to look to God with someone to fulfill our desires and dreams together.